I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
