He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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