I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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