But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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