does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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