She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
