i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
