the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
