Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My hand turned me down
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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