actually, I'm a sock model
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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