we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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