Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
