dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
