Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
