we have pet lesbian snakes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
