***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
