also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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