all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
