Apparently you make a good broom.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
foreskin is a definite game changer
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
