bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
