He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
