Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
