So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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