So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
