This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
