it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
