Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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