Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
