I hate all girls vehemently.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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