return my video game
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
