I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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