so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
