I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
