I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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