I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it's like iHOP with fire
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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