are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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