I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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