she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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