Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed