Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10