why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina