I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So vagazzling was a success