I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
