so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb