my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon