Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.