You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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