The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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