I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
