Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
