I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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