So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
