so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
