i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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