he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
