I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
