when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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