Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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