no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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