do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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