Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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