you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
