Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
