I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Too much gin, very little bucket
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
