i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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