good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
