dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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