Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
