i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
