I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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